DAY 1

I am trying yet another way to motivate myself to lose weight, and this time there will be no secrets. I'm just going to put everything out on the table. I am starting this journey at 250 pounds, give or take a few and I am looking to lose 100 pounds in 20 months, totally do-able if I actually get my butt off the couch and my face out of the fridge. It won't be easy, but it will happen. I will NOT be a size 20 bride. I just wont. Here goes.

So I guess I will just start from the beginning. I have been over weight all my life pretty much. Always 'wanting' to lose weight. But now I look back at pictures of myself from high school and I WISH I weighed what I did back then, it certainly would be an easier starting point. I gained a good 50 pounds in college. What did I do to myself. I know exactly what I did. It wasn't that my eating habits changed, I have always been a terribly picky eater. Its that I stopped moving. In high school I was in marching band so I was pretty active. In college the most "exercise" I got was walking the half a block from my dorm to my car and in between school buildings (sad). This is not including the (maybe) 8 times I went to the gym in ALL four years. And yes, that is including the time I went and only used the pool and hot tub. For a month or two I was doing the Bikram thing which was awesome. But too expensive for a college student, and a little too intense for me. Not a huge fan of dripping sweat for an hour and a half... But for the most part, I spent my four years in college sitting on my twin sized bed with a log of cookie dough. (so sad)

Tommy, I am sorry if you take this next part the wrong way, I love you and would not change anything about the time we have spent together. But a huge part of my weight gain was the 'dating scene'. I have never been out to eat so much in my life. And who am I kidding? I can say I'll just order a salad but really I'll order a salad once, be so proud of myself for not ordering chicken fingers, and reward myself with a cheese burger the next 5 times we dine out. Yes, there have been times that TOGETHER we start to make changes and actually see results, but how many times have we fallen back into our old ways (countless times). Remember when we said we'd stop eating fast food and only have it if it were really our only option in certain circumstances, how long did that last? (2 weeks?) If this is going to happen, my life is not the only life thats going to change. Thank you, in advance, for standing by me when I want to quit and remind me why I am doing this in the first place.

So lets talk about this. Why am I doing this in the first place? Well, there are numerous reasons. I dont want to be a fat bride. I'm sorry, I don't. I want to walk down the isle, and I want every single person in the room to gasp at the "new me". I want tears streaming down tommys face when he sees me in my perfect (not size 20) wedding dress. But thats my "shallow" reason. The more important reasons are because I am 22 freaking years old and I have friggin' back pain. It hurts to walk too long. Bending over to clasp my "sexy black heals" is a chore. I have 17 chins. My back fat makes it impossible to look decent in just about anything I wear. I hate shopping for jeans, or anything really. Mirrors catch my eye for the wrong reason (I used to LOVE staring at myself in the mirror. If there was a mirror around, I was stuck in front of it and completely oblivious to whatever was going on around me.) I dont recognize my body anymore. But MOST importantly, I want to be a mother, and I sure as hell want to be around for my kids 5th birthday. I am unhealthy, and at 22, thats not okay.

So now that I have shed so much negative light on myself lets brighten the mood. I know I am a beautiful person and I know that I have talents and potential and that I am 'fine'just the way I am. But I also know that I am strong and I can do this. I WILL do this. I WILL be 100 pounds smaller on my wedding day. Here goes. Day one.